


One Certainty

by beekeepercain



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Character Undeath, First Kiss, Fix-It, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Episode: s12e23 All Along the Watchtower, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-11-04 21:05:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10998978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beekeepercain/pseuds/beekeepercain
Summary: Castiel has never been very good at dying.





	One Certainty

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AlexinBrum](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexinBrum/gifts).



> For my Alex, who had a birthday (!!!!!) that she never told us about (or maybe once, or a hundred times). For Alex, who is awesome, and saved me from terrible night-time travel in Rome. For Alex, who is generally amazing, and who I love.
> 
> For Alex.

* * *

 

Dean sleeps rough after losing everything. Sam takes the wheel and drives them back, a full night along winding pathways through varying terrains of open landscape and rough woods, but they stay away from the cities, away from the towns, only stopping to fill the tank every now and then. But he's too tired - not only physically, but in his soul - to get out of the car, not even for a piss. He feels wasted, drained. Sam knows it. Dean can feel him watching him when he thinks he's drifted off, with creases of concern on his features, somehow bigger and stronger now than Dean feels he is. The loss must weight heavy inside his brother too, but it's Dean it's hit the hardest. They don't question it, and Sam just wants him to sleep.

The bunker's trashed. After a glass of water and a quiet look around at the devastation, their eyes meet and they simply part to go into their own bedrooms. The hole in the wall, the broken tables and chairs, the clutter, it can all wait. For now, it serves to represent the way they both feel inside. It's a fitting environment for further collapse, and further collapse is exactly what Dean goes through the moment his door closes behind him. His room is empty. His ears are ringing. He buries his face in his arms and lets the tears come.

*

A gentle breeze moves through the room. It stirs Dean gently out of sleep. It's pitch black in this room, even though it has to be noon or early afternoon outside - a sunny day, no doubt - and as he opens his eyes, he can see nothing but blackness. There's a silent breath that his ears catch, however. A shifting sound. Then, something other than him collapses. The bed creaks to the weight landing over it and with a hiss, Dean's hand is under his pillow, looking for the Colt that isn't there; he's up, next struggling to find the light switch. When the lamp's soft yellow glow fills up the room, however, Dean's not sure he isn't still sleeping. Maybe this is a nightmare, a very strange one that makes his wishes come true in a terrifying way without letting him enjoy them - he's not sure, but he knows his heart is beating so hard it hurts him. He doesn't know how to react, so he doesn't, not really, simply sitting there eyes wide staring at the shape before him, exhausted-looking and ragged and looking down at the floor, but when the shape moves its head and turns its electric blue eyes towards him, he lets out a silent gasp.

"Cas?" he shapes the name with his lips, barely making a sound.

A very faint, weary smile meets his gaze. Castiel nods. It seems to flood some life back into Dean's cold limbs, and he struggles forwards in his bed on all fours, crawling next to the angel to touch his face; his palm rests over the side of Castiel's head, his bare palm feeling the rough texture of his stubble and his fingertips the smoothness of his hair as they dive in and caress his head in twitchy, uncertain movements.

"Are you - is this real?"

"You are not dreaming."

The angel's voice is as tired as he seems, but Dean doesn't care. He grabs a hold of the male and brings him against his body, cradling him, crushing him, for what seems like an eternity. Castiel rests his face against his shoulder, his small breaths like pillowy warm clouds brushing up against Dean's neck, and Dean lets out a dry sob and his fingertips dig deeper into the male's flesh.

"Fuck," is all he can get out of his mouth.

Castiel lets out a deeper breath, perhaps the beginning, but not the middle part or the end, of a chuckle that died on the way out.

"It would seem," the angel tells him in a careful voice, "I still don't quite... die right."

Dean releases him, or at least lets him a little further away: he's still gripping his shoulders, afraid to let go as if afraid Castiel might evaporate if he stopped holding him together. They examine one another, and Dean's breathing hitches, then flows out in a long exhale that collapses his lungs until they're flat and empty and his chest is aching again. Only then he shakes his head, gasps for air and lets it out in a chuckle.

"Don't you ever learn," he whispers, trying hard to disregard a rogue tear sliding down the left side of his face again.

Without thinking, he moves in: his lips caress Castiel's, his eyes closing, and when he feels the angel's mouth part for him, he kisses him, his ears and cheeks burning hot with long-held relief of anticipation. When the kiss ends, he doesn't quite have the courage to face Castiel; instead, he presses their foreheads together and feels the tip of his nose move against the other male's, and he lets out another chuckle, this one terrified. He's all tense, his heart beating hard, but then Castiel has his hands over him, palms pressing gently over his shoulders to hold him as he held Castiel only a moment ago - to keep him together now, it seems. So that he doesn't evaporate.

"Cas."

"Dean?"

"How - how?"

"I simply... came into being. May I ask..."

"What happend at the cabin?"

Castiel nods.

"Later," Dean shushes him, shaking his head still pressed against Castiel's.  
The hair caught between them tangles together.  
"Later, I can't - not now, Cas. Just - you're here. We're here. I thought - this time, I thought - I lost you for real."

He can feel the smile on Castiel's face as now he shakes his head instead.  
"Not yet," he promises.

Timidly, it's Castiel who seeks out the next kiss. He lifts his face slowly to find Dean's mouth with his own, and his lips move over him like rising water, barely feeling like anything but warmth as they close over Dean's. He tastes - different, not like any girl that Dean's ever kissed, no lipstick, no chapstick, no exotic drinks coating the fragile taste of him underneath it. No more concealing or holding back. Dean feels himself letting go, and his back hits the mattress; he shivers when Castiel moves over him, and he invites him in even though he's still not sure how awake or conscious he really is. It comes as a partial relief to him when Cas falls on the bed beside him once the kiss is over - Dean's not sure how much more he can give tonight. How far is too far, or how much his heart can take.

Their hands join between them, and the ceiling has never looked prettier.

"That other realm," he breathes out, "Mary's - trapped. But so's Lucifer. So... we won."

"We will find a way."

Dean nods.  
"Not tonight," he says, and his voice is conflicted between desperation and relief.

"No," Castiel admits, "Not tonight."

Dean looks back at him and holds his hand a little tighter.  
"Will you... will you stay?" he asks, "This once - will you _stay?_ "

Their eyes meet and Castiel's smile dies slowly to a serious expression, and after thinking it through, he nods.

"I'm sorry," he says.

Dean shakes his head.  
"No. Don't. Just tell me this is it - that tomorrow, I'll still find you there, right there, beside me - and we're good. I don't need anything else. Just - just this night. This one certainty. Give me that and I won't ask for anything more."

Castiel closes his eyes for a moment, and Dean's certain he does so merely to escape the moment. Then, finally, he opens them again and nods.

"I will stay," he promises, and this time, it's his turn to hold Dean's hand tighter, "There's nowhere else that I need to be more tonight."


End file.
